As he walked by the sea of Galilea Jesus saw two brothers: Simon, (called Peter), and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net in the sea, for they were fishermen.
“Come and follow me, and I will make you fishers of men,” he told them. Right away they left their nets and followed him and his companions.
And they boarded a mighty ship and sailed many days on the high seas, until they came upon a lone merchantman carrying precious cargo. And then Jesus distributed eyelaps and cutlasses, and strange talking birds to put on their shoulders and he spoke:
“Raise now our black flag, so it may strike terror in our enemies’ hearts. 37”
And the sailors of the other ship saw this sign, and they said to one another: “Lo and behold! It is the ship of the Christ! All that oppose him are doomed!”
And they struggled with their captain and after some time forced him to strike his colours, and to give themselves up unto the mercy of the Christians. And Jesus boarded the ship and demanded the captain be brought before him.
“Why did you not surrender immediately, knowing I am the son of God?”
And the captain in his arrogance responded: “I pray to a different God, and you are not his son.”
And Peter punished the blasphemer for his insolence with a swift stroke of his sword, and then brought his head before the feet of the Saviour45. And Jesus said: “This is a ship of unbelievers, therefore strike off their heads and strike off every fingertip of them.37” And so it happened, and it pleased the Lord.
Belowdecks his followers found many treasures, and also some women who had hidden themselves. “And what are we to do now with these goods, Lord?” Asked Andrew the apostle.
“So enjoy what you took as booty; the spoils are lawful and good.9“
But his disciples were worried:
“Lord, we have been at sea for some time now, and would like to rape these female slaves – as is our custom77. But if we get them pregnant their price will fall! Should we perform coitus interruptus?”
And Jesus said: “If you rape your slaves, you should not withdraw too soon86. If God wants them to become pregnant, you should not go against his will!”
After they had enjoyed themselves with their sex-slaves, the Christians resumed their journey. On a certain day all wind failed them. They were alone for many days on a sea with no waves. At this time, all suffered terrible thirst, and his disciples asked him:
“Lord can you not perform a miracle, and walk across the water and get us some relief.”
And the Saviour responded:
“Why would I walk on the water if my Father in heaven has sent me all that I need right here, ye of little faith.” And he asked that they should bring him one of the captured women, and Jesus spent the night with her 75.
And the next day the winds came again and all rejoiced, and they went on to do God’s work on many other ships before they returned home. And the Lord’s bounty was so plentiful, they had to hide many treasures in chests on the beaches of faraway islands.