Chapter 23 : Suicide missions

Christ the Exploder (based on Christ The Consoler by Carl Bloch)

(John 18:7-8)

He asked them once more, “Who are you looking for?”
“Jesus of Nazareth,” they said again.
“I already told you that I am he,” Jesus replied. “If you are looking for me, then you can let these others go you will have to pass over the fallen bodies of my disciples115. For they know that their bounty in paradise will be rich.119 My father will reward them with beautiful virgins to please them and their members will never be flaccid!”120

And so many of his followers came to his aid and shielded the Saviour with their bodies. Each time a soldier came near Jesus, a faithful servant of our Lord came forward and was cut down in his stead.

What did you learn in bible class today, little Timmy?


In the real Gospel of John, Jesus asks his enemies to let the disciples go in peace and gives himself up as a prisoner. When Muhammad was about to be captured in the battle of Uhud he asked his companions to stand between them and the enemy115. He promised them they would reach paradise in doing so. Seven of the nine soldiers who defended him died, shielding their leader. This is but one of the many verses in the Quran and Hadiths that ask muslims to fight the infidels – if necessary until death.

What about the 72 virgins the martyrs will receive in paradise? The Quran does not mention them, but some reliable Hadiths do (see for yourself in the appendix).119